Tammy Hunter Ph.D

NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED EXPERT IN RELATIONSHIP ENHANCEMENT AND HYPNOTHERAPY

Awarded BEST Counselor in Los Angeles 2015 and 2016. I am a Certified Spiritual Counselor and a Certified Hypnotherapist. I hold a doctorate in Philosophy with a PhD in Metaphysical Science. I also hold a degree in Clinical Hypnosis. I am a featured, published writer based on my counsel of practice.

Filtering by Category: personal development

Your Opinion Of You Is The Only One That Matter

Seeking approval from others withholds your freedom and independence. It can make you a slave to opinions to ensure your emotional balance. This often feels like the most necessary part of life. But true self-fulfillment derives from the Self, the self-concept of you, not another’s view of you. Your self-concept is the source of your self-confidence (not to be confused with arrogance, which is an aspect of insecurity disguised as confidence). Self-confidence is defined as perceiving your own worth, your own strengths and skills. If we place too much value on someone else’s opinions or reactions to us, it can hinder our self-worth. Self-worth is about you and how you value yourself.

We often permit others to perform a particular role in our lives. This is because we desire their endorsements. Perhaps you have a friend, family member, partner, co-worker or boss who controls your feelings because you yearn to please him or her in order to maintain harmony or feel like you matter. What you may not realize is that the approval and harmony you are seeking is nothing that others can give you. It stems from your own insecurities. You are seeking their endorsement for assurance of your value, something you doubt, and this doubt means their approval is only temporarily satisfying. The joyful fulfillment you seek – which we all need – can only come from within you, not from others’ approval of you.

Validation from others rarely comes without cost.  Your neediness can leave you vulnerable to manipulation or control by others. Their desires and goals – their use of you – can have negative consequences to your self-esteem. You think you need what they offer, but you don’t really. Others’ opinions are sometimes helpful, if the other person is wise and cares about you, or even if they just see something you don’t but no individual can be supported 100 percent of the time; therefore, you must learn to rely on yourself for reassurance.

As a counselor and hypnotherapist specializing in the field of metaphysics, I work with my clients to help them comprehend that their need for approval developed early in childhood, deep within the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is responsible for all of your emotions, including the fear of disapproval.

Ways that the Parent/Child Relationship is Responsible for Approval/Disapproval!

We seek approval from others to assist in building our own self-esteem. We were taught as a child that attention feels astounding! The desire individuals have for the love and acceptance of their parents is so intense because it is necessary for the helpless infant to survive. Even the growing child, becoming independent, needs far more care than she or he can give themselves.

What happens is that, over time, we are conditioned to always look for that security. This is often complicated by rejection or ridicule from a parent. Disapproval, coldness, indifference, abandonment, in whatever form or to whatever degree, leaves us feeling unsafe and unprotected. We try even harder—go to any lengths—to get what as children we desperately need. Any means we come up with to get the attention or approval of parents or other caretakers sets a precedent for our lives. Individuals learn to meticulously develop behavior patterns in order to feed this need of approval.

Some approval seeking behaviors are:

·         Expressing agreement when you do not agree

·         Stating yes when you believe no

·         Attempting to manipulate your environment to increase agreement or approval

·         Feeling worried or upset because someone doesn’t agree with you

·         Deforming your personal character or beliefs to fit in

The problem with approval-seeking behaviors is they typically result in the opposite of what you seek. Most individuals admire those who stand up for what they believe in and who are respectful of their own and others’ opinions. Self-validation creates a support for your own beliefs, which ensures self-esteem.

If approval from others is what you seek, begin by approving and valuing yourself first. This is self-worth. In order to develop this incredible trait, you must learn to accept the authentic you. You may be afraid of this person. You may not think the authentic you is worth very much. I believe you are wrong, but I understand the fear. You may need to start slowly. Identify qualities in yourself that you like and appreciate. Just one quality…then another. When you do or say something that makes you feel good about who you are, affirm it! Acknowledge your hard work and be proud of your decisions. Do not look around for another’s approval. Take the opportunity to stand on your own. Your liberation will be exhilarating!

It will be easier the next time. As with everything, habit develops, and you begin to see that in fact you are a unique person, someone you like and admire.

Once value and worth has been established, like magic everything in your life will begin to change. Creating self-fulfillment through self-worth gives you independence and freedom from others’ judgments and approvals. Your opinion of you is the only one that matters!

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall; NO NEED for a Magical Mirror at All!

As the fairy tale portrays, the evil queen sought validation for her exquisite beauty from an external source, the magical mirror. The reality is, effective validation comes from within. We as humans are a reflection of our essence both inside and out. Creating personal growth begins with observing your individual interior and exterior existence.

If you desire change, search no further. Begin to recognize who you are and the beliefs you have about yourself. The answers are all around you. Let me explain. The evil queen did not actually have confidence in the fact that she was the fairest of them all. That which she sought confirmation for, she did not believe she possessed. She did not trust in her own exquisiteness because she lacked the capacity to acknowledge attractiveness, and even forbade beauty to exist within others.

As a counselor and hypnotherapist specializing in the field of metaphysics, I work with my clients by exploring the fact that their external world is the reflection of their internal world, and vice versa. Through metaphysical philosophies, I explain the world we encompass and are encompassed by. I begin by suggesting that everything in existence is energy, including our thoughts (universal energy) and our behaviors (physical energy). Our exterior world (physical energy) reflects our interior world (universal energy), which is a mirror of true self-reflection. This concept is called “External Replication.” 

All of us possess our own unique energy signature. This distinct energy signature has a frequency that is transmitted to our outer worlds…Like equals Like! Ever hear the saying “birds of a feather flock together?” Our friends, our jobs, our relationships, virtually everything in our outer world is a replication of our inner world. Positive and negative; healthy and unhealthy.

Recognizing the positive and healthy attributes of External Replication can be exciting, motivating, and reassuring. On the other hand, challenging though it may be, personal growth and evolution arise from exploring the undesirable External Replications in our lives.

Let us consider the fairytale of the evil queen as an example. Each morning upon wakening, she required confirmation from a magical mirror that she was truly beautiful. What does this imply? External Replication indicates that due to the daily validation she needed, she did not believe herself beautiful. In fact, she was so afraid that she wasn’t beautiful, or not beautiful enough, that she was willing to murder her stepdaughter to retain the title “fairest of them all.”

When I see clients who want to create personal growth and change, I immediately focus on two areas of concern. First, External Replication and second, The Universal Law of Reflection. Universal laws draw upon the insights of the metaphysical sciences and traditional philosophies and extends beyond them to help us understand, predict and even shape our very own personal experiences.

The Universal Law of Reflection suggests that both the positive and negative traits that you recognize in others, you actually identify within yourself. There are three basic components of reflection:

First, that which you admire in others is something you recognize as existing within yourself. Maybe you’re conscious of it, maybe not. Most likely you recognize that you admire those who hold your values, or have advantages that you think important…because they are yours! Ever find yourself making statements like, wow…she has a beautiful face, or, man…he is a hard worker? If so, these are actually traits that you admire within yourself! Meaning, you believe that you possess a beautiful face and you, too, are a hard worker.  So far, so good.

 

Second, that which you resist represents something you are afraid of. Ever have a resistance to trying a new exotic food? How about that judgment you feel toward those who take more risks than you do or are openly very affectionate with their loved ones? We resist that which we fear. We as humans have a comfort zone, and when we feel threatened by change or the possibility of loss, we resist out of fear.

Third, that which you react to is the thing you dislike within yourself. We all experience behaviors we dislike in others. When we react, we have unconsciously attached our own negative emotion about ourselves to the other person. Our reactions are telling our emotional secrets that we believe we hide from both the world and ourselves. What kind of person can you just not stand? The liar? The lazybones? The gossip? Maybe you’re not exactly like that person, but…is there some part of you that is less than honest, that is taking the easy way, that is indiscreet?

A Facebook Inspirationalist, Cheyenne Mauria, recently told her followers: “Nothing happens to me, it happens because of me. It is my personal obligation to take responsibility for my disappointments along with my successes.” This quote embodies self-responsibility, which is essential for the Universal Law of Reflection to work effectively.

Using External Replication and the Law of Reflection, the evil queen – had she been willing –   could have begun to understand that an area of focus for personal growth would be self-confidence and self-esteem. Like the queen, each of us could benefit from placing a little more value on our own self-worth!

 

Mirror, Mirror on the wall…I DO NOT need you after all!